Abused by a '"Christian" Man who Love the "Lord"

I have found it very difficult to maintain my relationship with my husband as I have desires to be with a woman. I have had this desire for a substantial period of time, but I struggle with it because of my Christian upbringing and what the Bible says about being homosexual. However, the Bible also reflects a man is to love and honor his wife, but I found myself in circumstances where I was abused by "Christian" men who "loved the Lord." At the time of my abuse, I questioned all of this, and still do. Unfortunately, I had a lot of hate toward men, especially Christian men.

To this date, I have not been with a woman but if the right one came along, I might. The majority of my desire has to do with the fact that I want to know what it is like. I hear it is wonderful because a woman knows what a woman wants. There is a lot of caressing involved, or foreplay, and (for the most part) it is not a "wham bam, thank you ma'am" activity. My husband and I have actually discussed this situation, and a part of me believes he would be okay with it. He doesn't see a relationship between two women as "cheating" as long as he is aware of it (he probably wants to watch!). This only makes my desires stronger, but I feel like I have to fight this because I am married, and I want to have a solid relationship with my husband. I must say our relationship has become stronger since I voiced my desires to him. He completely understands, and I don't think most men would.

I think if I had to do life all over again before I got married, I believe I may have sought out a woman just to find out what it is like. Unfortunately, I sought out men who just wanted one thing, and it seriously cost me my self-esteem and value as a human being.

by Anonymous

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