I Am A Sad Vagina!

I am a sad and sometimes pissed off vagina, 
most likely one of millions.

All kinds of things make me really, really sad, 
but to name a few

deodorized (read: irritating) panty-liners

poorly engineered underwear

tight jeans

bladder infections

yeast infections

the fact that maybe I smell sort of bad

bad sex

cancers of my area

people who say I'm naughty, dirty, and sinful
(but mean it in a bad way)


cramps from hell

sheet-and-underwear-staining menstrual blood

interstitial cystitis and the stuff that makes it flare up

being infected in any way (there are so many ways...)

bacterial vaginosis

douche bags

overly dry conditions

overly moist conditions

unwelcome germs

bitch-ass nurses who don't really care about fixing me 

funky discharge

funky spunk

pap smears

cervical biopsies (though at times necessary, they hurt)

penises of various disappointing varieties



bad handjobs

bad lickjobs

bad condoms

bad vibrators

obnoxious pubic hair (i.e., overly long, sticky, matted, unclean, etc.)


vaginal flatus



aging/drying up/sagging to the ground/wrinkling like a prune

people who are mean to me

people who assume I'm easy to please

general itchiness, rawness,
and lack of moisture balance

not "getting any" due to complications caused by getting some
and/or an overall lack of satisfying and/or sufficient physical stimulation

and the billions of women attached to me whenever they get sad themselves

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