I feel Such A Freak Sexually

I had a very frightening type of sexual "experience" when I was around 20 years old.

I was out walking around the neighborhood one day and had stopped to look at the neighborhood pool when I noticed this young boy walking towards me from across the street. He was a cute blond haired kid, maybe around twelve or so. I thought he was going to keep on walking but instead came right up to me and started to talk. In much the same way any boy would if he was trying to "chat a girl up." I was shocked. I'm not very pretty and only one guy has ever tried to flirt with me before. Having an attractive looking guy (of any age) talk to me has never really happened to me before.

As horrible as it might sound I couldn't help but to be flattered and excited about the whole thing. Even if the boy WAS twelve. But I also felt kind of sick and certainly freaked out as well. What was going on with me? How sick am I? I don't know. I remember rushing away from the boy as fast as I could. (I'm sure I hurt the little guys feelings) But I just felt sooo weird out.

Looking back on the day, I still feel weird. Have other women had my type of experience? I don't know.

Sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING sexually excites me. I certainly don't like or enjoy it. It's more of a curse than anything else. Sometimes I'd rather be dead than me. I feel like such a freak.

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