Mental pain and anguish are very exciting to me

I have found that mental pain and anguish are very exciting to me.

It's kind of my little secret.

It all started, or at least some of it, back in high school. I was gawky and ugly to boys. They use to pick on me and stuff. But I loved being picked on. By both guys and girls. I would often dress and act in ways that I thought would encourage teasing. I knew that if someone said something nasty to me I'd feel the wonderful pain of it for a long time. I found that the mental stimulation was better than nothing at all. And I would feel very bored if people left me alone. I would sit there, waiting to be verbally attacked, hoping it would happen soon.

There is the pain, of course. But also a rush as well. I never feel more alive than when I am in pain. Bad. I know. But I am trying to do better.

I also enjoy physical pain, though I have stopped mutilating myself.

by Anonymous

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